One of the biggest steps I have made in my adulthood, which has certainly made me more delighted and a valuable friend, is the ability to not judging people.
Okay, for the record I do not want you to see it as I have never judged anyone, or I don’t ever judge others – we are humans and we all have the proclivity of doing so. I am not different in doing so but I have learned that judging others can be so harmful and unsafe.
Judging a person or the situation at hand base on what you heard without questions or learning from both angles, can harm someone. Also, when you look down on someone or you feel like you are better than the other, this is you being judgmental to others. You judge people base on their looks and actions without getting an actual insight into what the person is going through or who the person is.
Don’t judge a book by its cover – George Elliot
There are different personalities, backgrounds, cultures, and nationalities – because of the differences, people are so eager to pass judgment on others. Everyone sees themselves as special and greater than the other which is a negative way of understanding or getting to know the other person.
Instead of paying more attention to judging people’s situations wrongly, focus on your problems and find a way to fix them.
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How Judging Someone Take Place
Here’s is an instance of what can transpire or occur when we judge someone undoubtedly.
I have this friend who suffers from an eating disorder (Anorexia) – she is underweight and yet she never eats nor has an appetite to eat anything. I thought she can improve her health by changing her food decisions. So I judged her for what she’s doing, get irritated with her, and indirectly called her names like “skinny”.
Take a look at what’s going on here…..
Firstly, what my friend is passing through I’m unknowledgeable and I have failed to understand her perspective. My friend has been having anxiety about her health, feeling so depressed, scared, and unwelcome. Due to this, she tries to abstain from toxic thoughts concerning her health and she makes herself feel better through Binge-watching TV, going swimming, and attending parties. She’s using those to cope and make herself feel good.
Everyone at one point has been in if not exactly a similar situation. I have had series of anxiety, felt unwelcomed, scared, and bad but I never healthily comforted myself. However, I am not close to being better than my friend or any other person.
I didn’t pay concern about how wonderful and amazing she is, regardless of her health issues. She’s an amazing person but I judged her undoubtedly without appreciating who she is and the strong person she has become (what friends do for each other).
Rather, I’m inconsiderate by concerning about how she looks, how she’s not eating much, how she should be, how her looks are sort of an embarrassment, and how I am disgusted by her look.
I’m not concern about what he is going through and what is running through his mind. I have judged him without curiosity, we no longer communicate effectively, and our friendship has fallen apart
How to Stop Judging Other People
I have hurt people by judging them wrongly without question, and I don’t want to be in that position of judging anymore. So, I adopted a strategy that I believe has been helping me to stop judging people. Whenever I feel the urge of passing judgment, I remember the strategy I have built. Here are those strategy and I am glad to share them with you….
1. Learn to be Curious
Judging without fact or reason is wrong and seen as worthless. The right way to stop judging people is to be always curious. Curiosity helps you have the knowledge and understanding of the situation. Curiosity helps you figure out the actual truth and what someone is passing through. If you don’t ask questions all the time, you will end up in false assumptions and may accuse people wrongly. A curious person asks questions to get facts and not assuming that things just happened out of a blue or draw a conclusion that things are meant to be the way they are. Practice Curiosity always in your life, especially when it is necessary and important for you to do so.
2. Notice Your Thoughts
Understand the nature of the thought. This annoying thought turns into a destructive habit to judge people. Consequently, you may lose friends, happiness, and respect if you continue judging others. Try to realize that you are not perfect. All people live on the same planet, breathe in oxygen and have the same physical structure of the body. The main difference is the inner world that is created individually by every person. If you admit this truth, you’ll have a chance to persuade yourself that judging others is a bad habit.
Do Not Criticize
Do people criticize you? Do other people judge you unquestionably? Sometimes you just need to ask yourself, who are you to judge people? Am I in the right position or perfect to judge people? You can’t tell me, people, you’ve never been criticized before in your life. Since you have, you know how bad it hurt and how depressing it can be when you start thinking of those hurtful things they said to you. So, why should you do the same to others has been an experience that hurtful critics coming from people you think got your back? Reflect deeply on these questions, and it will help you discover every contradiction.
You may be doing the same because you didn’t like how people treated you in the past but Experiencing such is enough reason for you not to do the same to others.
Put yourself in their shoes
You cannot understand someone’s situation unless you put yourself in their shoes. Every one of us has our life path and we can’t all be free from situations. Concluding on a person’s condition without figuring out what happened and why that person is in that condition or the way forward to assist the person to find a solution to the person’s condition. Putting yourself in someone’s shoes does not necessarily mean you should wear their shoes, it simply means you should ask questions on the matter at hand. Do not make conclusions on what you heard or saw, because you will be only making the person’s situation worst.
You don’t have the right to judge
Know that as much as you have been through a worse situation does not give you the right to criticize another person’s condition.
You have no right whatsoever to judge someone else’s failure. Abstain from being judgmental towards anybody or sort of.
“Everyone deserves listening ears”
If you can’t help someone fix their problem, don’t make the situation worst by judging nonchalantly. Always gather your fact before you think of judging a person or the person’s situation.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
Since your judgments are more about you than the other person, practicing self-compassion can help you let go of negative judgments. When you are compassionate and forgiving with yourself, it is easier to be this way with others. Practicing self-compassion decreases the need to seek outside approval and validation. When you treat yourself with kindness and understanding, you have a more positive outlook. If you feel good about yourself and who you are, you don’t tend to spend your time finding fault with others. Your internal voice can become your external experience. When you are kind and caring towards yourself, this becomes your expectation and view of others.
Over to you beautiful readers, in the comment box below share with us your thoughts or insights of how judging people has affected you and as well your relationships with your friends, partner, family, or coworkers.
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